Toxic Relationships

Like Britney Said..”Don’t You Know That Your’re Toxic?’’

Being From New Jersey, I know A Thing Or Two About Toxicity..

New Jersey’s premier Garden State superhero is none other than The Toxic Avenger. We have a lot of angry, rushed, and hectic folks. It can make people really anxious, and eventually, if not dealt with, it can even turn people toxic. Lots of things can, but in my opinion, a lot of it stems from a lack of self care. Becoming toxic takes time, literally from an accumulation of bad vibes, bad chemicals, and bad substances taken into the body physically, emotionally, spiritually, and emotionally.

How Do You Know ..?

Often a person won’t realize they have become toxic, and the cycles perpetuate until something, or someone comes along and brings attention to it. A person who is toxic will typically behave in hurtful ways, say intentionally hurtful things, and / or carry with them an overbearing sense of negativity, pessimism, skepticism, or naysaying. This is often a projection of how they feel about themselves, that they impose on others, either knowingly, or unknowingly. Toxic people will shit on people's ideas, and try to diminish the accomplishments of others. They are dangerous because they are the assassins of creativity, joy, and productivity. Julia Cameron, author of the best selling book, The Artist's Way, labels these kind of people, Crazymakers. It’s a great description. So much like she poses this question, I will prompt you to explore this idea as well: Who in your life brings chaos? Who tries to hinder your growth and progress? If you can identify people that do this, then you have likely identified your own personal crazymakers.

Self Detoxification..

Once in a while you have an experience that makes your realize that it is you, yourself, that is the toxic one. Perhaps you were infected by others pushing the negativity agenda, peddling the old idea of “misery loves company”. Sometimes life just brings you down, you stop giving a damn, and you subscribe to practices of indifference, and apathy. Fortunately, with work and awareness you don’t have to remain this way. There are many, many options that can be pursued, that can successfully turn it all around, and bring it the vibes back to a place of love, and compassion - especially for oneself. Toxicity can often be a result of damaged self esteem, poor self image, body shame, and personal doubt. Reversal of these impressions is possible, let’s talk about how to do that:

Physical Care

Breaking the chains of toxicity on a physical level can start by cleansing the body. Attention to diet is a string place to start. Try trading low quality fast foods, and things like sugar, for more natural foods, prepared fresh, and with mindfulness of nutrition. Toss out the soda, pick up the water. Make that water a little more exciting with a lemon or cucumber. Exercise at least 15 to 20 minutes a day, just for the simple action of generating movement and some energy within your body. Getting the blood flowing, and waking the muscles up is a great way to detoxify the body. Stagnancy is a killer. I also recommend daily cleansing rituals (in the shower); I like to burn some sage and have a high quality bar of soap - something containing essential oils - and I take my time letting the water warm (or cool) my body, while mindfully relaxing into the pressure of the water flow. Many people take a rushed morning shower before work, and for me, the morning shower sets the tone for my day, so I hate, hate, hate, rushing through it. For this reason, I am a big fan of the night time before bed shower. Think of the says,

‘Your body is your temple”,.., so I add this “..don’t pray in a dirty temple, it displeases God/desses.”

Emotional Care

There are several crossover practices in and over the following 3 topic headers (Emotional, mental, spiritual). Journaling is a HUGE outlet for emotional release. Sometimes writing the angriest letter for you life to someone who has wounded you can be deeply therapeutic. Having a good cry is a very softening practice, it’s not the act of the crying that may be the solution, but more the willingness to not hold back the tears should they come. Talking with a friend, lover, counselor, or mentor can help one process complicated emotional moments and situations. Additionally, being REAL with yourself about your emotions is a fast track to healing.. If you are mad, then be mad, and accept it for what it is. If you are sad, then allow the sadness to run its course, but be sure to work with the crucial moments of clarity and surrender, and in that moment choose to pick yourself up and brush off the dirt. Radical acceptance of one’s own emotional state is a power move.

Mental Care

When it comes to releasing mental stress and toxic patterning, I find a good solution to be reading. Reading utilizes the brain in a way where a person can unplug from their current reality, and be transported to a different place and time; far away into a narrative that is light years away from the thoughts and realities that plague the mundane. Writing, as stated above is another wonderful practice. Long sittings of stream of consciousness writing is my personal favorite form of separation from my troubles. IN my writings I can condemn and curse (or praise) whatever “thing” that is on my mind. Art is an effective outlet as well; playing with different mediums and colors and techniques can be calming, and supportive of mental serenity. Also as stated above, communication struggles with a trusted person or persons can gift a wonderful thing, and that thing is expressed in the phrase “peace of mind”,, sometimes, that’s all a person is seeking. A little solace.. Respite from the drab drawl of the waking world.

Spiritual Care

Spiritual care can come in many forms. A walk in nature is probably the best first line of defense, especially for us nature worshipping, bare footed hippy-pagan types. The roar of the ocean can quell even the most frayed nerves, and return our essence to a state of union with the great mother. For many nature is church; I am a person that falls in that category. Spiritual institutions such as churches, mosques, temples, stone circles, or ashrams are places built for communion with higher powers, so they can be safe havens for some needed processing. Finding the ear or hand of a trusted priest, or priestess can be comforting, as can consulting divination resources like Tarot, pendulums, tea leaf readings, or whatever other form of connection to the other realms works for or appeals to you. Sometimes simple meditation or prayer can bring profound revelations and clarity. Anything that brings you face to face with the divine is acceptable, and encouraged. It’s only when we can surrender to the idea of a higher power, whatever that may be, can be allow ourselves to be humble, fragile, and vulnerable enough to reveal our naked selves. When you remove all of your armor, literally, and figuratively, that is when you are going to be the most receptive and open to hearing the transmissions of the universe.

Break The Cycles; The Butterfly Effect

Patterns of toxicity are not permanent conditions, nor are they designed to be perpetual. They are actually fairly weak, and they can be dismantled with the right approach. If a family lineage has a history of alcohol abuse, it only takes one person in the line to break the cycle of pain by NOT drinking. Period. If a destructive cycle is identified, then it is up to someone to act on the intention to bring it to a halt. This is my personal story; almost every member of my family is or has been an alcoholic to such an extent that it was causing chaos and danger, so my contribution to the bloodline was this… I don’t drink, and if I do, it is with a very defined intention and most importantly, with control. But I dare not to dabble with the risk of abuse. I just don;t., I got sick of my family behavior, and so I said enough is enough, and I broke the chain. One must realize that making one small adjustment to a narrative can and is likely to set off a chain reaction that affects the entire reality around them; this is the butterfly effect. I believe that when a person chooses to go from being toxic, not toxic, that their choice has the ability to perform the same healing that flowed through themselves. It’s like a spell is broken, and then all in the land under the same spell start to wake up. It’s a little idealistic, but I do believe in the power of sympathetic influence. This is why it is important to resist the process of becoming toxic; you will run the risk of infecting those around you,.. People that you love.. Just know this.you CAN and MAY break them down, and bring them to your (lowered) vibration, just the same way that a positive influence can take hold. It’s all a choice in the end.

The question is this..What will you choose?

Becoming aware of toxic behavior is important. Not just for you, but for those around you. Toxicity disrupts harmony; musically speaking, it creates dissonance, and dissonance makes people uncomfortable. It’s ok and totally fine to dabble in dissonance, but if residency is taken up in such a place, there won’t be anyone listening after very long. Who would want to..people long to feel at ease,.. resolution , when spoken in musical terms. That sought after relaxation after a moment of tension. Prolonged tension is unhealthy, it generates stress, and it cultivates anxiety. Change the goal to the creation and production of conscious comfort (as in not taking things for granted), and to the intention of serving the world around you by caring for yourself first, so you can be a source of positive inspiration and a being of solace.

A Little Exit Prayer..

From me to you, I’m hoping that this article served you well, be it by helping you identify others in your life that are feeding into the discord, or by helping you see that maybe you need some changes for yourself. We are all works in progress, so compassion is a key element here; compassion for others, as well as compassion for one’s own self. I want to end with this Reiki mantra: